why so many headstands?

 

I have rambled on about anxiety a few times now, and had a ton of feedback. I have yet to explain how yoga has been the saving grace of this mental illness that 10% of teenagers suffer from and 40% of adults. 

I can remember getting shortness of breath in middle school worrying about assignments that teachers hadn’t even assigned yet. I remember worrying about who was picking me up or if I would have a ride home from school, even though I always did. I remember worrying about who was going to be captain of our soccer team, and I didn’t even play on the soccer team…. Needless to say, worry was always something I was good at. Granted both sides of my family suffer from anxiety and it is hereditary – I think this was something I didn’t know how to control and was unsure of what there was to do about it. 

Throughout my middle school and highschool years, I had panic attacks that led to me crying for no reason and sometimes made me lash out at my parents, even though it was rarely their fault. I have always been an over thinker and a huge planner. I think this is because when I was organized and had thought over every possible scenario of a situation, it calmed me down (kinda.)

I have mentioned the panic attack that led to my attempt at suicide in August of 2014. I have had multiple people message me asking why I did this while “succeeding at so much” (i.e. graduating early, starting my own company, having a boyfriend) and the answer is simple: a mental illness such as anxiety can distract you from it all. (Granted, the boyfriend was my own mistake and was just unnecessary anxiety I put myself through) I was hanging out with the wrong people, I lost vision in dreams I once had, I was distancing myself from true friends and my family. I was avoiding life and all of its worrys and stopped caring about myself. This where I came to terms with self-worth and how much it truly means in one’s life. 

    

I became infatuated with the benefits yoga had, specifically on people with anxiety and depression. I thought it was incredible that a simple inversion (head below your heart) led to decreased heart rates and completely wiped my mind of all worry due to calming the nervous system and producing feelings of balance. 

 

I began to read more and more on the subject which led to running into people with the same exact problems (and solutions) I had found. 

(As we know: I also love pictures, and yoga made for a good one…so that was just another bonus!) 

 

I can’t go a day without yoga now. Whether that consists of 30 minutes of gentle practice, or 2 hours of detox hot power yoga – it’s the prescription that works for me. I no longer take anxiety medicines (which are leading to Alzheimer’s in most recent studies) and I rarely suffer from panic attacks. My practice will only continue to get deeper the longer I work at it, but yoga reall did save my life. It gives me something to work harder at, it puts my mind at ease in the healthiest way, and for the most part it’s really fun to do. (Yes I get the strangest looks out in public, but it is totally worth the concerned faces amongst people!) go out and try it, and if you have any questions – you know where to find me 😊

x o x o 

@kelseysook

  

leap of faith ETA: to be announced…

  

Who doesn’t like the thought of something new and exciting in life? I can assure you I have always been one to get excited over new opportunities. I try to have enthusiasm in every aspect of my life, whether it’s as small as a new flavor of gum or as big as moving 600 miles from your hometown without knowing a soul there(and yes, I did that.) I try to be optimistic about just about everything (and I know this annoys some of my friends and family at times, but that’s just who I am, and most of you are stuck with me, so sarrrrry 💁) I attempt to put my whole heart into just about everything I do, and sometimes that works for me, sometimes it doesn’t- just depends on the day. 

I absolutely love the excitement of something new in my life – I adore the uneasy feeling of butterflies in my stomach. I love the rush of ideas that bounce back and forth in my head when something different is beginning. I have gotten to the point now where I don’t let these things empower me too much, so I don’t get too disappointed if it doesn’t play out the way I want- however, I still get pretty thrilled about things…which sometimes ends up leading to disappointment (duh.) 

I have really had this urge to travel recently, and it has had me questioning everything. I have made pros & cons lists, I have prayed about it, I have read and inquired others about their opinions and really every aspect of the idea points to the “YES YOU NEED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR YOUTH BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE” sign… 

Granted, I love the butterflies in my stomach and the new adventures and the ideas of sitting in a coffee shop in God knows where with God knows who doing God knows what – but I keep having the doubt of what do I do after that? I am a planner and a worrier and those two things are the only two things that hold me back from anything. (If those two things weren’t there id probably live with some random Croatian woman in a rainforest somewhere – but they are.) 

I’m going to keep reading and keep brainstorming ,keep imagining, and keep working myself into believing that this is the time I need to take advantage of. I have no relationships, no school, no kids that are holding me back, why not take advantage of that now? 

Hopefully a leap of faith is in my near future. Wish me luck!💃 

x o x o 

Worth The Read, I hope😘

 

 As most of my social media friends and family have seen – recently I have had some ongoing heart problems – which, in fact, do run in my family (even though my dad insists that it may be due to the unhealthy lifestyle I was living last year…) They are still working (stress tests, holster monitors, ekgs regularly, thyroid blood work, etc) to see if I have structural damage, or just a rapid heart arrhythmia. However, the point of this post is to share what I am doing with my life in regards to a healthy lifestyle at 20 years old. (A lot harder than it seems!)

The most encouraging words have been sent to me over the past couple of months and I just wanted to share a few (anonymously) with you- 

   

        

These are just a few of the messages I have been receiving and words will never be able to touch on how much joy they have brought to my heart. 

My journey started the day I realized that being diagnosed ‘clinically depressed with chronic anxiety’ was a blessing in disguise. 

Like I have mentioned previously, I have always been known to be the goofy girl that posts too many pictures and always has a smile on her face. I think I finally came to terms with this my sophomore year of highschool. It was the year everyone got their license, I was a cheerleader, my mom was sick and I jumped between my parents houses depending on which one wasn’t fighting with me that week. I remember going to school Valentine’s Day of 2011 and having 4 roses on my desk: 1 from a kid that walked onto the football team and was a little different, thanking me for cheering for him the previous season. I had 3 other roses that read: “didn’t see a bald lady at the basketball game, guess I couldn’t introduce myself to your mom.” Another read: “stupidity must run in the family” (in regards to my little brother being special needs) and the last said “haha leave”. I remember it was a Monday and we had a pep rally for our rival basketball game, I was completely unsure of what to do. I knew exactly who the roses were from, and it was a girl that was from the rival school, she had called me the Friday before and asked if my mom had cancer and laughed over the phone. I didn’t know her personally, but that didn’t stop her. I took the roses to the principal, who I was very close with- and she want there. I told the woman at the front desk what had happened and she said “welcome to highschool, honey.” 

I remember calling my dad who was out of town for work, in hysterics unsure of what to do. I talked to my coach and finished the pep rally. The following week I had transferred to another school about 30 minutes away. I had always been the girl to laugh and carry the upbeat attitude, but I couldn’t do it after the humility of this incident. I finished my school year at Monacan, and actually ended up graduating early the summer after. 

This is the time where I actually learned what it was like to feel depressed. I was always on edge, my heart raced faster than it did before due to stress and anxiety, and uncertainty of what was to come. I still played it off well, I started hanging out with old friends again and even though I had graduated, my friends were seniors in highschool at this point. I was jealous. I didn’t send in applications to out of state schools like everyone else, or even out of Richmond. I didn’t get to have my senior prom (or any prom), I never had a senior night for sports or knew what it was like to walk across a stage in a cap and gown. At this point it was 2013 and I was a mess. I was in school and doing well, but I began spending too much time with the wrong crowd and rebelling a little more than I had before. I had begged my parents to let me move out of Richmond for as long as I could remember. I was not happy, not proud, and had no idea what self-worth even meant. 

August 3rd, 2014 was the day it all happened. The most selfish act humanly possible – I attempted to end my own life. That’s where my anxiety had led me to. I had never (and will never again) have my parents look at me the way they did when this happened. It was a cry for help and that’s all I wanted, unfortunately. 

After 21 days in the hospital and endless poking and prodding, I moved to wrightsville beach. I got a marketing and sales job and began working for a fitness center (the healthiest choice I could have ever made.) 

The point to this post is to make those of you reading it understand that the healthy lifestyle I try to live now is because of past mistakes I have had to learn from. I will do anything in my power to be the light and inspiration for any one person that feels down and as if they are hopeless. I was at the point where I didn’t think anyone was there to listen, when I now know I had friends and family (even strangers) that would have done anything to help me if I just stopped pretending everything was ok. I now live a life of gratitude, even with a broken heart (fortunately not from a boy) and I post a million pictures on social media showing what I am now capable of, thanks to the grace of God and the self-worth I have for myself. 

As for bullying and the small remarks we sometimes say, not intending to hurt someone. You will never know if that one insult could throw someone just over their edge. Think before you speak, be the bigger person, and live respectively. 

x o x o  

     

travel pt.1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfQIm1klwBM&feature=youtu.be

if you want to see the first part of my magical adventure this week, heres a sneak peek of it😉

Love the life you live

  

   

      

 

There are so many people in this day and age that don’t understand how awesome life is. We were given this incredible opportunity to just live. To be the best you can be and see what you can make out of this thing we call life. We hear it everyday from the generations before us, “oh to be young again!” Why do we take advantage of this? (Or on the flip side of things – why don’t we take advantage of this??) Why are we so stubborn when it comes to actually living? 

I get it – you’re tired, you don’t have the money, you need time to relax… I hear ya..I’ve made the same excuses. 

I understand not everyone has the opportunity to fly thousands of miles and travel for months on end. I get that you never have a day off so Netflix consumes that one day you do have. I get that adventure can be expensive… 

Don’t get me wrong, I love binge watching Sex And The City…I will never deny that a little too much Carrie Bradshaw is always an adventure in itself.. However, I used to make this a weekly event.. I used to dedicate a day to eating crap and binge watching my favorite shows. I started noticing I would practically be wishing a day away. I had that instant gratification that our generation thrives on… it made me happy when I was doing it – laying around in a big tshirt/no pants snuggled up watching countless episodes of God knows what & probably nibbling on just about every snack I had in my pantry.. Instant gratification. In the moment, it rocked. But in the long run – What benefit did that have on myself? 

I set goals for every aspect of my life. Short-term goals, long-term goals, far-fetched goals (that will probably never happen, but it doesn’t stop me from dreaming.) I’m a huge list person. I make a list for everything – and I have since before I can remember. I have daily lists, lists for work, lists for around the house, lists about lists (?)…and the reason I do this is because I love the feelings of checking something off of my list. If I have accomplished what I want to accomplish – I am happy. I am happy because I am living.. Binge watching Sex And The City still happens, but I make sure I have completed something that I will have memories of before it can occur. That “something” can be as little as taking Gunner to see the sunrise, taking a day trip to somewhere I have never been, going to a restaurant I have never tried (ps: along with taking pictures- I also really love food), getting coffee from a hole-in-the-wall place I find on yelp, doing yoga in the park.. It doesn’t have to be crazy – even though some of the adventures I go on are – I just want to encourage you to live your life… Make a memory. This life is the one you’re stuck with, make something of it. Do something different. Love the life you live and be proud of it.  (Now I am just getting off of a flight and as soon as I get home you can be assured I will be binge watching something!) My goals for today have been completed – have yours?

x o x o

Anxiety-ridden

 Anxiety, worry, fear. For nineteen years I didn’t know it was possible to control these feelings. They were a part of me. I was powerless over them. I was good at pretending and really good at convincing other people I was happy… My anxiety changed my life in the best way possible.Until about 9 months ago people thought I was happy and bubbly all the time. I would wake up laughing and go to bed with a smile on my face – no matter the circumstance. I would post pictures living my normal day-to-day life and all would seem perfect. However, nothing was really ever perfect. My mom has been sick since 2008 (my 8th grade year) and she has never portrayed her worry (even though we know it’s there) and I have to assume that’s where I get it from.

I have always had panic attacks and have always distracted myself from realty when I sense one coming. I can avoid a situation so well that I almost convince myself nothing is wrong. It only took me nineteen years to realize this was a problem that needed to be addressed. 

Eight months ago today I was in an ambulance being rushed to a hospital in Richmond after taking twenty-eight 1.0mg Xanax due to a panic attack. I had been prescribed it after having minor heart pains from stress & anxiety. I was tired of the worry and the chaos in my head – so before going to church with my dad one Sunday morning, I swallowed my whole prescription. Needless to say it was enough to kill me (I thank God daily that it didn’t.) I ended up staying in the hospital for 21 days – and as soon as I got out my parents and myself thought it was the perfect time to leave my old life in Richmond and head to the beach. 

At this time I had already been practicing yoga for about a month. My doctor told me it would holistically help relieve stress, worry, and anxiety in my life – so I took a shot at it and was immediately hooked. It reminded me to breathe, it helped slow my mind down, it showed me how important it is to take care of my body, and it tends to make for a pretty good Instagram (remember, I love pictures!!!) I learn more and more about my practice every day which is one of the most rewarding feelings in this world and I have gotten so much positive feedback from so many people (thank you to those that have sent me gratitude messages- it means more than you can ever imagine!) 

The whole point of sharing my journey with you is to (hopefully) be able to give someone the hope that I needed for so long. Anything is possible – read it and weep😚😘

x o x o  

Why

 

I want to explain a few things about myself before I start this journey on the World Wide Web for anyone and their brother to see (or no one at all?) 

I’m a 20 year old girl that has just moved to Wrightsville Beach in hopes for 3 things: 

1. A story to tell. I have come to the conclusion that I want a life I can boast about in the most modest way (if that makes any sense at all.) I have had a tremendous amount of people doubt me, including myself. My move to the beach was (mostly) in hopes to prove to myself – and a select few – that we were wrong. Not in hopes to rub it in their face, but in hopes to really show that  a n y t h i n g  is possible. 

2. A journey that I can write about where people are moved. I want to touch people – mentally – because I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for the people in my life that did the same for me (some I know personally & some I only know from social media…Weird – I know.) however, I want to be that person for someone. If I can make a difference in just one life – that’s all it takes in my mind (not that I plan to stop there.)

3. Pictures, pictures, and more pictures. Granted I love the sound of the ocean and the feeling of sand in between my toes – I have always been a visual person which has only led to an abundance of cameras / memory cards / & scrap book materials. This has been my claim to fame since before I can remember; “stop recording”, “do you take pictures of EVERYTHING?”, “delete that picture of me right now.” I hear those waaaayy too frequently. When MySpace was a thing – I was a “MySpace whore” because I posted pictures of anything & everything. When Facebook got popular – I was “Kelsey-Morgan Sook from Facebook” because I posted pictures of anything and everything. And don’t even get me started on when Instagram got popular. 

Did I learn my lesson? Noooope, I still take pictures of anything and everything & don’t regret a second of it. My dad always took pictures..he was never that good at taking them (sorry pops) but he did it for the exact reason I always have – memories. There is something about having a picture of something that makes the constant whining from friends, family, and strangers so worth it. 

And what better place is there for a photo-loving-yoga-enthused girl to live than Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina? 

These 3 things will put into perspective what I am trying to do with this blog. I want to spread the positive thrill I have on an everyday basis with strangers (and friends) in hopes to benefit them. I want to have a story to tell and a life well-lived. And I want you to see it through my eyes (or atleast my camera lens.) 

❤️ k e l s e y

the journey

 

20 years. That’s over 7,300 days. 1/4 of the average lifespan is the time I have had on this earth. However, I don’t think any of what I have to share with you is average. This life I live is nothing out of the ordinary, just the perspective I put it into is something else. Feel free to follow along- I’ll do my best and try not to disappoint😉